Home is… a great big cloud of uncertainty. A concept I could mull over endlessly. And a topic I’ve written about in the past.
Here’s what I landed on a few months ago:
It’s when you finally feel at peace. When you’re so connected to your environment and your surroundings and the people in it, that you can take a deep breath of fresh, clean air, close your eyes, and smile. It’s when you are the truest version of yourself in a place of safety and love and calm.
I think that just about nails it.
I’ve found places where a sense of ‘home’ whacks me over the head. But if I’m honest? Those moments have been few and far between.
I’ve had a fear of stability and having a home base for the past few years. Any talk of ‘settling down’ or ‘slowing down’ or ‘stopping traveling’ made me cringe with discomfort.
I dream of opening my garage door and seeing a wall full of kiteboards and surfboards and snowboards and wetsuits and mountain bikes and sleeping bags. Of opening a drawer and seeing my socks and unmentionables arranged neatly in their places. Of sitting down at my kitchen counter with a freshly brewed cup of coffee and popping open my laptop to see what’s new in the digital world. Of booking a kiteboarding trip, and knowing that when it’s over, I’ll be going home.
So that’s new. And scary. But that’s what’s happening right now.
And that’s okay.
I’ve spent a lot of time chasing absolutes. I used to think that I wanted to be an entrepreneur. Then I wanted to be a full-time nomad. Then I wanted to be a kiteboarder. And then I stacked all of these wants into an image of this person that I wanted to be and went for it. I believed that I had to be 100% that or I wouldn’t be fulfilling my potential.
So when the idea of slowing down and planting roots started nudging into my reality, I thought something was wrong.
I forgot that people change.
It’s okay for priorities to shift. For what you want to change. For what you need to evolve.
For some, there may be a need for more travel, spontaneity, and wildness in their every day life. For others, there may be a need for more stability and grounding. Everyone is different. Everyone’s needs are different. And the rate at which everyone’s priorities evolve and shift is different.
In my personal experience, the thing that prevents change is fear and judgment of said change. It’s taken a few months of fighting against this concept of home and grounding to finally accept that it may be exactly what I need right now.
That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop traveling. Or kiteboarding. Or building my business. It just means that I might spend a bit more time in one place.
And I’m cool with that.